Patch Adams

Recently, I was fortunate enough to revisit one of my favourite films, Patch Adams, on television. It is a film which depicts a medical student, Hunter 'Patch' Adams, who possesses the unconventional wisdom to challenge the long-held beliefs of medical care. In his struggles to convince everyone that medical care is not merely a profession but it is also having a relationship with the patients, he experienced many trials and tribulations as he questions about life, love and the ultimate fear of death. He later went on to establish Gesundheit! Institute (www.patchadams.org) that aims to put care, concern and laughter at the heart of healthcare service.

The viewing of this film came at a opportune moment as I felt uplifted from my blues as a result of the strain of the lack of sleep and the weariness of duty that national service imposes on you. I began to ponder on the questions that the films poses on top of its main message. These mind-boggling questions are: What makes you happy?, What are you passionate about?, Is death an end to everything?

What makes you happy?

This is definitely one of the most difficult question of all for the answer often changes with time. As for now, what makes me happiest is being with people I love. While it seems so simple, how many of us can actually do that in this complex day and age?

We are bogged down by so many, and rather unnecessary, responsibilities as we become breathless in trying to juggle so many things; a feat so complex that even the artistes from Cirque Du Soleil would give a standing ovation. In our midst of juggling the hats that we have to put on, how many times do we find ourselves making promises to others to keep in contact or to meet up but never ever bringing it to fruition? How many times do we promise our parents that we will be back for dinner but end up returning home so late that the cold food is eventually thrown away?

Personally, I have never appreciate my friendships and varying relationships with others as much as I have now. I have come to realise that being around the people that I love is the only real and important thing in my life for I don't have to put on any masks or prove to them anything for they know who I am. It seems that having a relationship of any kind is the most self-affirming thing for it proves that one exists because a relationship transcends time, death and space - once formed, it exists eternally even after one dies. This is unlike all other achievements that will be relegated to the archives or be forgotten as time passes and the memory fades.

What are you passionate about?

This is definitely one of the easiest questions ever asked. I am passionate about the Arts though it is unfortunate to say that I am not competent or do not have a fertile understanding in some aspects of it. The Arts (especially in the aspects of theatre, literature and dance) appeals to me because it has this quality to translate the depths and varied qualities of the human experience - something that is universal in all cultures. Such a quality goes beyond any kind of barrier as anyone at any age can relate to.

It is also a very powerful tool to question and espouse a certain condition of our lives. While it is certainly ambitious to state that Art will result in a radical revolution, one cannot deny that Art does leave the viewer/listener/audience a little change and perhaps it could be a platform that compels one to think and question and even improve what is already there. Such a powerful force certainly cannot be explained by any scientific theory.

Is death an end to everything?

No. Death cannot end memories or erode our love for someone in any capacity. As such, death can only put an end to something in the physical capacity.

Army Daze - How Boys Will Not Become Men

I thought it is time for my gentle readers to re-visit a post I wrote a while ago...

The army advertising machine is one of the most well-oiled and efficient system ever devised by man. The slogan , "Where boys become men", has become a mantra on the lips of millions that any advertising company would be over the moon should their slogans for their clients attain such a cult following. Yet, many should understand that a slogan is a mere advertising tool to appeal to the consumers and ensure that they remember a particular product due to its catchy phrase. In other words, it may not necessarily represent the truth and that applies for the army too - it does not make one become a man.

However, a 'man', like any other word, is a subjective concept and it benefits everyone should we stick to a particular definition. Being a man, represents an attainment of maturity, independence, rationality, humanity and morality; one that is able to provide for himself and others materially and emotionally. By that definition, the only semblance of being a man that the army could claim credit for would be bulking up the poor boys who have their lives coming into a screeching halt for two years. The physicality achieved, if the poor boy has any body mass to bulk up with, may offer his girlfriend either a sense of security or a fantasy come true as she is euphoric that she finally has a boyfriend that is as bulky as Hugh Jackman in Australia. Thoughts of her boyfriend washing himself like Jackman in that movie meant that the boy could finally "provide" his for his girlfriend emotionally - albeit in an erotic way.

At this point, most proponents of the slogan would demand that I do not ignore how serving national service is a rite of passage where one acquire survivor skills akin to the tribal initiation rites into adulthood or that it teaches values such as selflessness, cooperation and discipline. In response to that, I will thus address such naivety in two parts; the male initiation rites and the teaching of values.

With regards to the "rite of passage" argument, the person's naivety is revealed in the fact that he or she does not comprehend the significance of the tribal initiation rites but is only mystified by the whole affair. The tribal initiation rites is a spiritual, mental and physical training for the boys in order to equip them with necessary skills to survive and mature. The skill of hunting, outdoor survivor and resourcefulness is much needed in their community in the jungles to survive and in terms of providing for the whole tribe. Therefore, apart from the spiritual aspect which can be gruesome and not relevant in this discussion, these rites truly make boys become men in the sense that they are equip with necessary skills to actually survive. In relation to our urban landscape, if the army really sets out to transform boys to become men, the basic military training will therefore consists of cooking classes, teaching the boys how to clean, iron and sew and personal grooming courses in terms of appearance as well as etiquette. In addition, I believe that we are all equipped with an instinctive will to survive and that should a boy be left alone all by himself in the house where he has to cook, clean and wash his own clothes, I have no doubts that he will learn to acquire those skills and mature naturally as with millions of students who have studied abroad have done.

Furthermore, I can never subscribe to the idea of "breaking the boy to make a man" for it is outright barbarism. Hurling unnecessary insults and abuses during training only makes a boy into a baby where the recruit will learn that the only form of expression is through the use of expletives; relinquishing their ability to articulate their thoughts in a rational fashion. It will reduce communication into an orgy of distasteful utterances like a baby gone wrong. It never brings the willpower out of anyone. For willpower implies the perseverance out of one's own accord to endure whatever adversity one faces. Therefore, forceful imposition undermines this unique quality of the human spirit. This ideology therefore can never be a part of the training as a "rite of passage".

As for how the army teaches one good values, I am utterly disappointed at the parents who are hoping that the military would do their job. Also, I am disappointed at the little faith people have in the human spirit that we are capable of instinctive goodness. Why do one need to depend on the army to be taught such values? What about moral education in religious institutions and schools? Perhaps, the Ministry of Education needs to meet with the advertisers for the army to discuss on how to improve their brand name which results in people putting more faith in Singapore's education.

Aside from that, I would like to scrutinise the myth that military instills discipline. The concept of discipline is certainly severely misunderstood. The illusion of the soldiers marching in unison with precision does not necessarily mean that these soldiers have discipline. Discipline, like all other values, must be exhibited in a spirit of one's own willingness and not be coerced or forced into doing something out of the fear of punishment. True discipline is exhibited when the recruit actually wants to take on a strict regime in the earnest wish of becoming a highly trained soldier that has the ability to protect his country and fellow comrades in a time of war. Therefore, should the soldiers not have this self-willingness and do it any other way, one cannot say that the army has instilled a sense of discipline in them. Otherwise, dogs, slaves and prisoners are masters of discipline by that flawed equation.

As such, the army cannot claim any credit of making boys into men. Like all advertising gimmicks, we must see the product for what it really is and not be lulled into naivety by a catachy phrase - national service is merely a feeble solution to a problem of national security (a topic that must be left for another discussion as it is not directly relevant to this post). Like the recruits in Michael Chiang's hit movie, 'Army Daze', the military advertising machine has cast a fog and puts us in a daze.

Tea for Two

It often takes the most mundane and unexpected circumstances to shake you out of your stupor and make you realise what is important and what is real. For me, that lovely circumstance was having tea with Beverly at Foster's today.

I met her only expecting to catch up with her and wishing the very best as she leaves for Boston. Never did I expect that in our conversation she told me a few things that really struck me and really got me thinking of who I am, what am I and what I want to be.

In the midst of our English indulgence, the topic of ancestry, roots and origins came up. She told me about going to the heritage centre in Chinatown just to revisit some of our traditions. Additionally, a meeting with her grandparents early in the day led to the discovery that her family tree is scattered across China and Southeast Asia which certainly surprised her. In that vein, she mentioned of her wish to bring her traditions over to Boston as she remains rooted to who she is and her faith.

On any occasion, I would have let out a chuckle or sorts for I rage against certain aspects of my traditions for its backwardness and hate to confine myself to who I am by such traditions. Well, I am not saying that I totally reject my Chinese roots for I do appreciate its cultural value and its intellectual history but its conservative outlook does not suit me. Also, being a true believer of the Arts, I believe that every artist, in the words of Nobel Laureate Gao XingJian, is a citizen of the world. In my interpretation, we make out to be who we are and we we want to be for the countries and it traditions that we live by are artificial demarcations that we have set upon ourselves.

Yet, it is as if the Camomile tea I was sipping had a calming effect on me as I actually got to think about what she really meant. It is not about being confined by tradition but so much so as a basis of who we are. Like it or not, we are influenced by our roots and our upbringing. In a sense, our origins and culture gives us some integrity of humanity for it is the beginning and our upbringing that is steeped in that culture leads us to the present us and it is for us to decide how our future turns out. If we were to reject every iota of the culture that we are born into, we are thus throwing ourselves into a web of contradictions. This is because we are seeking to define ourselves in our self-created vaccum but the only problem is that our sense of our utopia is a mere modification of the confines the real world. Hence, this new definition of us still stems from our tradition and culture.

So how do I synthesise what I have believed for so long with this new found outlook? Well, I am sure that we seek to define ourselves in the best possible way and if we were to look at different cultures, there is a common thread of goodness in them that is expressed in a variety of ways. They all do espouse a set of universal values which is what Thomas Jefferson would term as Natural Law. Therefore, the self-portrait that I seek to paint would be the same no matter how I do it but the cultures that I take from and adopt are form my pallete and the culture that I am born into forms my inspiration and template. Hence, with the materials in hand, I am at leisure to improve this inspiration and template to complete my masterpiece. But at the end of the day, the first stroke on the canvas to define who I am comes from being Chinese.

Thank you Beverly.

Access Denied - A Promising Beginning

A review of Canvas! first production, Access Denied, cannot begin without expressing my admiration of the ambition of the producer as well as the boldness of the actors on embarking this project for it is a journey into uncharted waters for them. While, it is undeniable that I did have certain reservations with regards to an original production in all sense of the word, I am glad to admit how unfounded such reservations are.

In all honesty, Access Denied will not make it to Broadway or the West End. Its writing will not be earning 'Best Original Script' any time soon. But it is an early sketch of a portrait - a blatant reflection of human relationship. Something that we still need or perhaps smile quietly to ourselves as we passively identify ourselves with the characters. This is best summed up by Kester saying, 'It's like going through life...' This venture may be a sketchy impression of something profound.

Its format has some semblances to Alan Bennett's Talking Heads in which it consists of a series of monologues, with a slight departure as there are a few brief moments of interaction between the characters, that reveal different shades of human life. In particular, it reveals the different kinds of relationship and scenarios that we experience in giving ourselves to another. Inevitably, constructing a play in such a fashion does have its pros and cons.

For starters, having four characters delivering their personal monologues one after another can be daunting on the audience. This is due to the fact that the monologue is delivered in a confined space which limits the possibilities of blocking. This thus forces the audience to draw on the lines to keep up with the progress of the play and try to grasp the message of the playwright(s) - in this case, the actors are collaboratively involved in writing the script. Aside from this flaw, the format does allow the four characters to be developed fully. In addition, it clearly demarcates four motifs that are evident in the distinct personalities and storyline of the characters.

The four characters experience different kinds of love: Unrequited Love (Charmaine Poh), "Forbidden" Love (Mark Cheng), Loveless Union (Ng Yin Ling), Love Gone Wrong (Lesley Sia)

As a caveat, do note that such a categorisation is entirely out of my own devising and not set by anyone involved in the production. I have taken the such liberties to aid my readers in understanding what the respective monologues entail and it is not the actual title given to any of the characters. To those involved in the production, my sincere apologies that I did not manage to catch all the names of the characters, so it would be easier if I just name the actors. Additionally, if my categorisation is found to be inaccurate, once again I apologise. If that is the case, perhaps one can take it as a perception of one of the members in the audience.

Unrequited Love - Charmaine Poh

In terms of content, what characterises this set of monologues is the poetry of the lines which describes the physicality and behaviour of the character's beau at that time. It aptly emphasises how she cherishes every moment she spends with her man. The beauty of the lines were helpful to any actor as Charmaine portrayed her character well. The painful contemplation and the search for answers as to how could her lover just leave her and hurt her so badly was heart-wrenching to watch. The metaphor of letters in which one often sees her reading it or writing it is a beautiful image in trying to connect with her beau and deal with her pain.

Performatively, what sealed the deal for me was the sense of purity and truthfulness in the portrayal of the character. Underneath the beauty of the lines, that raw feeling of anguish and hurt, that came from Charmaine, was certainly impactful. I sank to a new low when she performed her final monologue when you could actually see her eyes becoming slightly moist and teary as she struggles with her feelings. It really makes one hope that no one should be subjected to such pain and hurt - something that does kill the spirit a little.

Unfortunately, I felt that Charmaine was slightly lacking in the energy in her delivery which resulted in the other actors overpowering her and as an overall trajectory of the play, there always seem to be a drop in energy whenever her monologue comes on. To be fair, this may not be exactly her fault due to the fact that her character that she portrays is of a passive nature as compared to the powerful one that Mark portrays. Also, she does not have much of an outburst in her lines as can be found in Lesley's lines. Therefore, it does appear as if Charmaine lacks the performative energy which is not exactly the case here.

In conjunction to that, Charmaine's character seems to be a departure to the overall pattern that the other characters have established. Her character does not have a clear progression of plot as it is concretely evident in the other characters. This is not to say that the character's nostalgic, almost surreal recollection is a weak idea but such a structure seemed to place this character out of sync due to the fact that the plot in the other monologues progresses steadily everytime the character comes on. As such, this inconsistency in conjunction with the passive nature of the character mars Charmaine's overall impact on the audience. This is definitely a pity.

"Forbidden" Love - Mark Cheng

Puuurrrr! Mark and his character were certainly a racket as the monologues got us hopping out of our seats due to the humourous moments or the poignant moments as we are forced out of our comfort zones to contemplate these important questions - Is homosexuality taboo? What is considered "normal" in society? How much do we have to conform to society's ridiculous ideals?

Mark's set of monologues truly captured the different aspects there is to be a homosexual in a society that is still judgmental and condescending. This is bolstered by lines that were well written as it seeks to explore the never-ending and sometimes humourous attempts to hide one's sexual orientation as well as the poignancy of it all that in the face of societal pressures, one sometimes unwittingly betrays oneself and assume a certain mould and therefore rejecting true love. I certainly applaud how it does not seek to lash out at society's judgments and prejudices. Instead, it just seek to present a man not being able to love fully and truly due to happenstance.

Mark is certainly a ball of energy with a sense of good showmanship as he easily manipulates the comic timing as well as presenting a myriad of reactions to life's challenging but hilarious circumstances much at the expense of our aching sides as a result of laughing too hard. Yet, as his monologues wind down to the poignant moments, there is a sense of maturity that comes across clearly as we see the layers of the character's personality in his struggle between assuring his lover that he truly loves him and that his wife is only for show. The scene in which he recounts the encounter with the beggar which resulted in him giving the beggar some cash is certainly impactful. This signifies that his character has occupied the mould that society has set for him as he offers money out of a sense of detached sympathy. By extension, he has come to accept what society has defined as being normal. The impact of the lines and the acting is profound so much so that at the time of writing, in revisiting his performance, I have to restrain myself from jotting down my opinions on this issue as it is only suitable for another post on another occasion. Perhaps such an impact is a testament to the fact that the actor is informed in his portrayal of the character.

Perhaps, the only bone I have to pick is the fact that Mark's character is always seen holding business documents and taking phone calls. This physical motif could actually be developed further than just to signify his occupation as a business man. It could be used to strengthen the theme of being bound by societal norms as with how one is being bound by a contract once a business deal is signed. The idea of the contract of love could be embedded into his monologue as his character claims that him marrying a woman is only for show and therefore a transaction with society. While his love for Edward is real and perhaps his love for his wife is transactional, one simply cannot ignore the fact that he is bonded by a contract and have to fulfill its conditions which actually drives a wedge between him and Edward. This would eventually amount to rejecting true love in the face and thus results in Edward leaving him and question his inherent acceptance of societal norms. Such a metaphor would throw his struggle into sharper relief as the corporate savvy audience of today would be able to grasp the comparison.

Loveless Union - Ng Yin Ling

How often have we heard that marriage is the tombstone of love? Well, that is exactly what Yin Ling's character encapsulates. Her frazzled hair and scrunched up corporate blouse was a convincing sight of a modern woman facing up to the jaded realities of life as she does her bit for the household and takes each day as it comes.

The extinguished flame of passion can never be more evident in her lines which is only focusd on her children and the growing up in the beginning. Towards the end, she begins to unravel the coldness between her husband and herself as she resorted to seeking sexual advice online but never cling upon them. The idea of seeking advice from an inanimate medium on something so sacred is certainly poignant - a sheer testament to how we have lost control of our lives as we get caught up with so many things.

Yin Ling did a credible job of portraying this jaded woman and had a wonderful arch in her performance as she unravels progressively. There is almost nothing to pick on in this case except that there could be more layers to this character than her just being jaded with life. This is especially so in view of the fact that a dead marriage is such a common theme that it borders on being cliche.

Love Gone Wrong - Lesley Sia

What started out as a movie loving girl suffering from a common case of puppy love turned out to be a struggle to find one's identity in the face of others and the need to reassert it in the face of a failed relationship. Her initial musings about finding the perfect match that mirrors the likes of the various Disney princesses turns out to be an illusion as she falls for a less than perfect prince charming who is actually the typical bad boy. Despite not being able to fulfill her Disney dream, she was in utter bliss. As the relationship goes on, it begins to dawn on her how uncontrollably wrong it is heading as it departs further and further away from the expected plot of a great love story - the sheer unpredictability of life. Towards the end, as she begins to feel inferior when her boyfriend leaves her for another girl which received a form of approval from his friends which she did not, she begins to reassert herself as a beautiful person and that she will not falter for this guy whom have taken every advantage of her.

By far, Lesley's character has the greatest veracity and it is an utter treat to watch Lesley moving from blissful happiness to despair with relative ease and craftsmanship. In the initial stages, her youthful and girly vigour in her musings certainly brings a smile to anyone as we remember our own romantic fantasies when we were younger. As her monologues progesses, there is an overwhelming sense of poignancy and maturity that animates from her. The vast difference between her earlier monologues as compared to her latter ones, which is filled with intensity and energy, is certainly astounding and a testament to her vesitility as an actress.

This is especially evident in a couple of her monologues in which she relates being sexually harrassed and her despair and bitterness in the aftermath as she hates herself for not doing anything about it. The intensity, energy and earnesty in dealing with her boyfriend molesting her, leaving her and the seeming disapproval of his friends certainly broke my heart and a sense of sympathy and sadness came over me as if the character is truly confiding in me.

While I do appreciate the energy and intensity, there are times when Lesley seems to upkeep the intensity by accelerating her monologue and delivering it in an extremely heated way. This slight falter in the performance condenses the character and her experience. Instead, a thoughtful choice of pauses and really let what the character says sink into the audience rather than presenting her anger and bitterness would be more impactful. However, to be fair, it is indeed exciting to watch Lesley as with the other actors.

On a more personal note, it is amazing to see how much the actors have improved and mature performatively. The whole production is a considerable success with certain compelling themes that leaves the audience to identify with and know that love is an inevitable part of the human experience.

One can only wish them the very best for their future endeavours and hope that a future collaboration is in order....

Sweet Little Things

In trying to find meaningful ways to spend time in camp, my camp mates and I decided to start a conversation in the hopes of finding out more about each other. Soon enough, we found ourselves inevitably comparing the cultures of our schools as I had to debunk certain myths that surrounds AC.

In the course of relating certain events that my school has organised, something deep struck me. As I think back on all the little and silly things my school does on events such as Valentine's or April Fools, there is this overwhelming mix of nostalgia and regret that came over me. I once viewed it as superfluous and a tad bit extravagant for an unofficial cause for celebration. However, as I face the jaded realities of life, I began to appreciate what the school, and whoever that was involved in the planning, had done for us. The thought behind those sweets, flowers, balloons (pink, white, red) and the pranks certainly made our day and disrupting the monotony of school life was always welcomed.

Missing AC this way also led to another realisation- the gem of sincerity. I mean what really touches me about how AC celebrates events, seasons and life is not because of the expense that went into it but how sincerely the Students Council wants to make the day slightly special for everyone. It is not a matter of how you do it or how expensive it is but that you are sincere in doing it. Sincerity is the key for many a times, we often go to the expense of doing something other out of pure obligation which leaves a bitter aftertaste for ourselves. To me, we should rid ourselves of such superficial obligation and go the distance only if we really mean it or else everything is meaningless. On the other side of the coin, we should also stop expecting from people. It is with such mindless expectation that we lead ourselves onto the paths of disappointment. As long as we stay true to ourselves and our friends, people will naturally reciprocate back with gratitude and sincerity and that is all that matters.