The previous post chronicles the days before my first ever book-out. This set of entries is written in the middle of my BMT.
280109
This would definitely be one of the hallmarks of my life as firing a live round into a target is the closest one gets to experience real combat.
Firing the rifle is both an exciting and harrowing experience for me. The excitement comes from the adrenaline rush if a series of good shots. Yet, as I step back from the experience and contemplate the implications, I shudder in utter horror for it means that I have killed innocent men. What a lethal mix it will be when rage and excitement meet on the battlefield and killing becomes more than just winning the war, or staying alive, but a sport that disregards the sanctity of life!
As I was pondering on this issue repeatedly, I start to weep for the many children out there that are made to be soldiers. Their innocence is stripped at such a young age as they will be either plagued with nightmares of war or turned into a dehumanised killing machine. Peace is the best gift upon this broken world.
~
290109
Another long and slow day has just passed as the other half of the company spends the day at the range, we were dismayed to find out that our second bookout will be on a Saturday rather than on a Friday. Nevertheless, bookout is always a welcoming prospect.
The movie, 'Drumline', do bear an extremely close resemblance to the army. Yet, there are some compelling insights that I was left with. The first would be the idea of professionalism, the balance between craftsmanship and a crowd-puller. I, for one, am a fan of the former and the motto of '[Excelling] through Basics' does hold true because at the end of the day, we have no one to prove except ourselves.
Another theme that runs through the movie would be the flexibility in instilling discipline. While those two ideas seem in direct conflict, I believe that it is very important to marry the two. Doing so will actually motivate one to endure the tough training but it will also forge a closer bond between the superior and the subordinate.
~
300109
Today was by far, the most boring and uneventful day as half of the company are at the range re-shooting while the other are back at the company line rotting away. As for me, I came down with a nasty bout of cough and sore throat. Thus, not being able to go for the re-shoot.
We literally spent the whole day cleaning the rifles and getting frustrated of the fact that the rifle never seems to be clean enough. All I could think was the fact that I'll be going home tomorrow and will cherish the pathetic day's rest before returning to continue training.
~
310109
We were all quite surprised when we were told that we will be having an excursion to the Singapore Discovery Centre (SDC). To my delight, it meant that I will get to bookout somewhere nearer to home.
The exhibition in SDC and especially the Army Museum was certainly intriguing as we got to see the different operations that the army was involved in. The various operations and historical events came alive thanks to our wonderful guide who added a personal touch to these events be relating his personal experience in the various operations. The most compelling story amongst them all was the story that made our guide signed on with the army. The story of how he was prohibited from entering a local pub, during the colonial days, due to the fact that was Asian stirred patriotic sentiments within myself. I sometimes wished that I could return and spend a few hours with the guide and listen to his stories.
~
030209
To my surprise, I was awarded two days of light duties due to the fact that I had an MC till yesterday.
However, the officers seemed suspicious of the fact that a case of influenza warrants my staying away from camp. Yet, I believe that it is better for someone who has a serious illness to rest well for a day than to do menial work in camp and be perpetually sick.
Nevertheless, I do envy my fellow mates during the training as they get to do a routine of punches and kicks with the punching bag. In addition, I wonder if my results would improve from the last horrific IPPT results this Friday. However, I doubt that I would ever get to book out.
~
040209
I'm glad that I'm feeling much better as I went on a long march and completed the fall grenade course despite being on status.
To my surprise, throwing a grenade is rather difficult and not as glorious as portrayed by the likes of many movies out there.
The combat training lesson was absolutely interesting as new techniques are incorporated into the training routine. The elbows, jabs and 'kneeing' certainly compels most of those on status to kick and punch a little. Ah well, I shall get back to full training tomorrow.
Wednesday, 20 October 2010
Tuesday, 19 October 2010
Excerpts from a Soldier's Diary I
As I was clearing my camp locker, I found a diary in my drawer in which we were required to write about our experiences during Basic Military Training (BMT). It would be a waste if I dispose the diary without saving the pages of reflections. So here are excerpts from the diary as there are certain details that I am not at ease to disclose.
~
200109 (3 days to book out)
Today's training certainly proved how much I'm lacking in arm strength and stamina. I am increasingly worried that my physical inadequacy would result in me actually failing BMT.
The route march was interesting as we were able to see other parts of the island besides the usual training compound. Our captain's plans for us to do so certainly emphasise the point that to be good in anything, one has to know the subject inside out. This is perhaps what being a professional means.
The highlight of the day would be a lecture on core values by our captian in which he mentioned a compelling point that as soldiers, we do not hold a personal grudge against our enemies as the war is waged over a political reason. Therefore, we should always have a firm set of morals in dealing with our enemies.
Yet, this raises questions about the ethics of war and the government's role in it.
~
210109 (2 Days to book out)
Today was one of the unique days in the army as our schedule is not packed back-to-back.
The area inspection conducted was certainly tiring as all of us were appalled at the degree of precision that we were made to arrange our things and standardise it to a microscopic degree. This is something I have yet to get used to.
Speaking of standardisation, I do undestand the need for it as it ensures a quick, organised and efficient army. However, I still believe that variety is the spice of life and that a controlled measure of individualism will make the army more vibrant and dynamic in that respect.
An army that is worth serving is one which achieves unity in diversity.
~
220109 (1 Day More!)
Today we finally got to experience how it would feel like to shoot with a rifle. I'm absolutely intrigued by the sheer amount of mental control and concentration one must have in order to shoot well. Yet, one cannot help but wonder how is it possible to exhibit such control in the backdrop of a raging war?
Speaking of shooting, distant shots can often be heard due to the firing practice of the other companies. I often tried to put myself in a situation of war - the gragility, the fear that everytime a plane flies past, a bomb may land on us at anytime.
The precious commodity of life in conjunction to having experienced a sneak preview of a solider's life truly makes me consider whether the saying, 'Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori', is true.
~
230109 (Book out day!)
There is a jovial atmosphere as everyone looks forward to their first book-out. The confinement weeks are definitely the longest weeks of our lives.
The obstacle course still worries me for I do lack in arm strength may result in me failing it. My poor fitness level is certainly a source of disappointment for me.
The topical discussion is slightly boring though it was useful in helping me understand the general direction that the SAF is taking in terms of its policies. I'm actually quite surprised at the drastic changes that the army is making in grooming the third generation. Such a shift definitely busts many myths about the army. What a welcoming change!
~
~
200109 (3 days to book out)
Today's training certainly proved how much I'm lacking in arm strength and stamina. I am increasingly worried that my physical inadequacy would result in me actually failing BMT.
The route march was interesting as we were able to see other parts of the island besides the usual training compound. Our captain's plans for us to do so certainly emphasise the point that to be good in anything, one has to know the subject inside out. This is perhaps what being a professional means.
The highlight of the day would be a lecture on core values by our captian in which he mentioned a compelling point that as soldiers, we do not hold a personal grudge against our enemies as the war is waged over a political reason. Therefore, we should always have a firm set of morals in dealing with our enemies.
Yet, this raises questions about the ethics of war and the government's role in it.
~
210109 (2 Days to book out)
Today was one of the unique days in the army as our schedule is not packed back-to-back.
The area inspection conducted was certainly tiring as all of us were appalled at the degree of precision that we were made to arrange our things and standardise it to a microscopic degree. This is something I have yet to get used to.
Speaking of standardisation, I do undestand the need for it as it ensures a quick, organised and efficient army. However, I still believe that variety is the spice of life and that a controlled measure of individualism will make the army more vibrant and dynamic in that respect.
An army that is worth serving is one which achieves unity in diversity.
~
220109 (1 Day More!)
Today we finally got to experience how it would feel like to shoot with a rifle. I'm absolutely intrigued by the sheer amount of mental control and concentration one must have in order to shoot well. Yet, one cannot help but wonder how is it possible to exhibit such control in the backdrop of a raging war?
Speaking of shooting, distant shots can often be heard due to the firing practice of the other companies. I often tried to put myself in a situation of war - the gragility, the fear that everytime a plane flies past, a bomb may land on us at anytime.
The precious commodity of life in conjunction to having experienced a sneak preview of a solider's life truly makes me consider whether the saying, 'Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori', is true.
~
230109 (Book out day!)
There is a jovial atmosphere as everyone looks forward to their first book-out. The confinement weeks are definitely the longest weeks of our lives.
The obstacle course still worries me for I do lack in arm strength may result in me failing it. My poor fitness level is certainly a source of disappointment for me.
The topical discussion is slightly boring though it was useful in helping me understand the general direction that the SAF is taking in terms of its policies. I'm actually quite surprised at the drastic changes that the army is making in grooming the third generation. Such a shift definitely busts many myths about the army. What a welcoming change!
~
Thursday, 19 August 2010
The Boy Who Loved Anne Frank by Ellen Feldman
What if Peter Van Pels were to survive to tell the tale? Feldman's historical projection in her novel, 'The Boy Who Loved Anne Frank' answers this historical "what if" in a realistic, novel and a profound way.
Peter (known as Peter Van Daan in Anne Frank's diary) survives the war but hides the fact he is Peter Van Pels, even from his wife. In living his new life, he strives to build all the vestiges of stability and security around him but the ghosts of his past soon comes to haunt him which manifests in the strange occurrence of him losing his voice. This is finally broken when he confronts the only living document that details his past; The Diary of Anne Frank. This triggers a complex journey for Peter as he tries to make sense of his past while being constantly reminded of those dark times with the ongoing hype about the endeavours surrounding the diary.
What makes this a gripping read is Feldman's faithfulness to the psyche of Peter in which she breaks the mould of the naivete of Anne Frank's portrayal and induce it with a strong modern sensibility. Her skillfulness in blurring the lines between what is happening, Peter's thoughts as well as his memories of the war produces a surrealistic landscape that enhances our understanding of Peter's viewpoint and the horror of his past that keeps haunting him. In the course of the exploration of Peter's psyche, certain truths become incredibly evident which is why this offering is such a gem. Firstly, the novel addresses the modern treatment of horrific events such as the Holocaust in which it appears that it has become more of a fascination that a grieving remembrance. Such a truth is enhanced by Feldman's wonderful gift of imagery and I was choking with grief when I read the following lines:
'I was crying for the innocence of that father walking home through the blushing Amsterdam evening, for the hope of that woman scrubbing a new flat for a new life, for the boy who thought he was safe. I was crying for a world that saw a war coming, that feared the worst, but had no inkling how bad the worst could be.'
Truly, who would have thought that such a thing will happen? And it is sad truth that no matter how hard we try, we can never truly understand what it was like to have been there. Therefore, rather than belittling the experiences of the victims, the greatest tribute we can give to them is our sincere grievance, respect and to open our eyes to similar events happening in our time and try to stop it. What a profound truth and it certainly takes a gifted writer to present it to us in such an impactful way.
To all who have passed on,
Rest in Peace.
Peter (known as Peter Van Daan in Anne Frank's diary) survives the war but hides the fact he is Peter Van Pels, even from his wife. In living his new life, he strives to build all the vestiges of stability and security around him but the ghosts of his past soon comes to haunt him which manifests in the strange occurrence of him losing his voice. This is finally broken when he confronts the only living document that details his past; The Diary of Anne Frank. This triggers a complex journey for Peter as he tries to make sense of his past while being constantly reminded of those dark times with the ongoing hype about the endeavours surrounding the diary.
What makes this a gripping read is Feldman's faithfulness to the psyche of Peter in which she breaks the mould of the naivete of Anne Frank's portrayal and induce it with a strong modern sensibility. Her skillfulness in blurring the lines between what is happening, Peter's thoughts as well as his memories of the war produces a surrealistic landscape that enhances our understanding of Peter's viewpoint and the horror of his past that keeps haunting him. In the course of the exploration of Peter's psyche, certain truths become incredibly evident which is why this offering is such a gem. Firstly, the novel addresses the modern treatment of horrific events such as the Holocaust in which it appears that it has become more of a fascination that a grieving remembrance. Such a truth is enhanced by Feldman's wonderful gift of imagery and I was choking with grief when I read the following lines:
'I was crying for the innocence of that father walking home through the blushing Amsterdam evening, for the hope of that woman scrubbing a new flat for a new life, for the boy who thought he was safe. I was crying for a world that saw a war coming, that feared the worst, but had no inkling how bad the worst could be.'
Truly, who would have thought that such a thing will happen? And it is sad truth that no matter how hard we try, we can never truly understand what it was like to have been there. Therefore, rather than belittling the experiences of the victims, the greatest tribute we can give to them is our sincere grievance, respect and to open our eyes to similar events happening in our time and try to stop it. What a profound truth and it certainly takes a gifted writer to present it to us in such an impactful way.
To all who have passed on,
Rest in Peace.
Saturday, 26 June 2010
Appreciating the Boring Days
The problem with being forced to serve the nation is that it is an unpopular option where one loses one's identity, freedom, and often, intelligence. The regimentation of it all equates to having every single day repeating itself with negligible variance for 22 to 24 months of one's life. Hence, it is common to feel bored and dread as one wait for time to pass, and hopefully, quickly. Isn't that part of the Singapore story? Yet, a cultural exchange with the US soldiers brought home a very sobering lesson.
We were taught personnel and vehicles check to our dismay for such an activity has been haunting us for the past year as part of my vocation. This meant that we were bored to tears and would grab anything to stab ourselves to get away from it all. Sensing our boredom, disinterest and at times disrespect, Hill (one of the instructors) decides to share an anecdote that rings true.
He told us that in his line of duty, he has checked countless of cars and personnel. It is a tiring and boring job because the level of checks there is so thorough due to a much higher possibility of an attack there than it is in Singapore. This meant that at any moment, he and his comrades may lose their lives and the thought of that spurs him to ensure that each check is as thorough as possible. As such, he enjoys the utter boredom of his work because being bored means that nothing has happened. At the end of the day, everyone returns to their loved ones safe and sound. In this light, he told us to appreciate the boring days and he hoped that everyday will be as boring as possible for us.
Touched by his "blessing", I realised that Memorial Day was a couple of weeks ago and the passing of this commemoration certainly made what he said utterly sobering. As such, let us offer a prayer to those who have served and passed on as the proverbial rose upon their graves.
We were taught personnel and vehicles check to our dismay for such an activity has been haunting us for the past year as part of my vocation. This meant that we were bored to tears and would grab anything to stab ourselves to get away from it all. Sensing our boredom, disinterest and at times disrespect, Hill (one of the instructors) decides to share an anecdote that rings true.
He told us that in his line of duty, he has checked countless of cars and personnel. It is a tiring and boring job because the level of checks there is so thorough due to a much higher possibility of an attack there than it is in Singapore. This meant that at any moment, he and his comrades may lose their lives and the thought of that spurs him to ensure that each check is as thorough as possible. As such, he enjoys the utter boredom of his work because being bored means that nothing has happened. At the end of the day, everyone returns to their loved ones safe and sound. In this light, he told us to appreciate the boring days and he hoped that everyday will be as boring as possible for us.
Touched by his "blessing", I realised that Memorial Day was a couple of weeks ago and the passing of this commemoration certainly made what he said utterly sobering. As such, let us offer a prayer to those who have served and passed on as the proverbial rose upon their graves.
Monday, 14 June 2010
A Difficult Question
How are you today, my dear readers? Hands up for those who said, "I'm fine. Thank You." Sometimes, the simplest questions are the most difficult ones. Why is that so? How many of us are really interested in another's well-being when we enquire about them? On the flip side, how many of us ever gave thought to this simple question and answer our friends sincerely rather than preparing "ready-made" answers? I'm sure most of us will take the easy answer, "I'm fine." I'll admit that I'm no exception in my answers. But on hindsight, it really bothers me that I did not answer this question sincerely especially to people I love and care about.
After some reflection, I came up with three possible reasons for such an answer. Firstly, we are not close to the enquirer and the most appropriate thing to do is to give a polite answer. Secondly, even if the enquirer is someone that we are close to, we do not want to burden them with our problems. Lastly, we are neither euphoric nor melancholy and for a lack of an adjective so using the word 'fine' is the easiest way out.
For the first situation, I do not have a better alternative and would definitely like whoever who has generously taken their time to read this to comment on this post should they have one.
With regards to the second situation, while we should not expect anything of our friends, I'm sure that if I were to enquire about someone I would definitely love to catch up with that person. By extension, I will take an interest in their well-being. Hence, I feel that we should be honest when our well-being is enquired of. That said, one must still exercise some tact in unburdening ourselves as we should try not to make our friends uncomfortable in the process of doing so.
As for the last situation, I feel that since someone we care about took the effort to enquire of us, we should pay back in kind with putting some thought and depth in our replies.
The track by which my train of thoughts travels on is actually the need to recommit to our relationships and to take time and effort in investing in them for this are the things that truly matter in life.
With that said, how are you today?
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